Sunday, March 9, 2014

Why I Am a Jew

"Faith must trample under foot all reason, sense, and understanding." — Martin Luther

I was raised as a Christian. In fact, I was raised as a Lutheran. I don't ever recall hearing the quote above at that time, but I seemed to sense that feeling as an undercurrent to much of the Christianity that I saw, both in my church and outside it.

Being a thinker and a rationalist, I found myself repelled by the dictates of faith. I seemed to perceive that following Christianity meant throwing aside reason and rationality. Acceptance of Christianity meant accepting: that Jesus was G_d; that Jesus was born through the miracle of virgin birth; that Jesus performed miracles through his life; that he rose from the dead; and that he was the ONLY route to G_d. These were the elements of faith.

I had little quarrel with the ethical and moral teachings of the man. I had little problem with belief in a single unknowable G_d. What pushed me away were the other things. The final break was over Jesus being the only path to G_d and salvation. I remember arguing with someone from the Campus Crusade for Christ about it. He insisted that however moral or righteous a person had been, if that person did not accept Jesus, that person would not be 'saved'. A far less moral person who did accept Jesus was fine, but not the righteous one who did not.

Christianity is a religion of faith and not of deeds. Your deeds do not essentially matter - if you sincerely accept Jesus and repent your sins you are saved almost regardless of what you have done, while if you do not accept Jesus you are damned, regardless of what good you may have done.

At that point, I felt I could no longer in good conscience consider myself a Christian.  I spent many years studying a variety of religions, including Buddhism, Taoism, Zen, Sufism, and Hinduism-lite (Alan Watt's "The Book").

For a time I considered myself a Buddhist. I found myself in an emotionally painful situation from which I felt unable to extricate myself. I asked why I was suffering so. In the middle of my mental torment, I recalled the Buddhist teaching that desire was the source of all pain. That sort of set me back, and I wondered how desire could be the source of the pain I was undergoing. I realized that my own vanity had caused me to make choices that led me to where I was at that moment, and that had I chosen otherwise, I would not have undergone that pain.

What I found in studying Theraveda Buddhism, was that the Buddha said that there was no G_d, and that there was no soul (Atman). While there was much good in Buddhist moral and ethical teachings, that was a leap that I was not willing to make. Taoism gave a sense of the mystery and the unknowable, along with some good moral and ethical guidelines, but was also ultimately unsatisfying.

I was wandering around in a bookstore one day, and picked up a book, "Understanding Judaism" by Rabbi Benjamin Blech. Something in the book 'clicked', and what clicked was that in Judaism, it DID matter how you lived your life, and it did NOT matter whether you were Jewish. You were not expected to accept the irrational simply based on faith. The stories of the Tanach (the Old Testament, to Christians) contain some part history and some part parable - stories that may not have been literally true, but which taught an underlying truth.

One need not believe that the world was literally created as Bereshit (Genesis) says, as that story was not meant to provide a scientific explanation of the creation, but rather was meant to show the underlying truth that G_d is the source of the universe and the world as we may see it, and by whatever mechanism G_d may have used. Those articles which drove me from Christianity, were not a part of Judaism, but I was left with the G_d of Abraham, and many of the teachings that I grew up with.

Accepting Judaism meant giving up some things which were forbidden to Jews - pork, shellfish, etc. After thinking and studying, including six months study with each of two rabbis, I chose Judaism. Each religion asked me to give up something. What Christianity, Buddhism, and the others asked me to give up, I could not - reason, rationality, or belief in G_d. What Judaism asked me to give up, I could, and did gladly.

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